Why me? Why now? In the last 5 years of my life I have been through some tragic life changing events that no normal human being should ever have to go through, like; sexual assault, alcohol abuse, depression, sickness, car accident, friendís death and now my boyfriend tragic Death. I always wonder can life get anymore harder for me. No wonder I feel lonely and sad all the time, but thanks to the TV show Private Practice, it has given me the distraction I have needed. I watched one episode and was an instant fan because these characterís can relate to me and what Iím going through at this difficult time in my life.
I can relate to Violet (Amy Brenneman) as she too has been sexually abused and because I have never dealt with mine before I would absorb everything ëVioletí would say and the advice she would give out to her patients as a therapist. With my situation, the man who abused me was my grandmotherís 4th husband and I was 9 years old. I was told by him to keep it a secret and after 6months when I told my mom what happened to me it broke my family into pieces. After my mom found out and they stopped screaming at one another, they decided not to go to the police and not to tell my dad. My stupid grandmother stayed with my abuser for another 9 years until they divorced after my dad finally found out accidently. This made me have intimacy issues when I was older and I found it very hard to interact with men and boys. By the time I was 21 years old I finally decided to go to the police about it and once I did it made me very depressed, lonely and anxious. I couldnít believe it when the police told me they would only sentence him for 6months home detention! They said because it happened so long ago in 1993, that they sentenced him with what the New Zealand laws were back then. I was so scared to hear about this as I found out that what he did to me; he had done with his own two daughters too! This led me into becoming an alcoholic, as I would drink at least a bottle of wine a night so I wouldnít have to think about it before going to sleep. After a year of solid drinking and trying to drown my sorrows away, it got to a point where it hospitalized me and they told me if I kept drinking alcohol the way I was, I would be dead in a year. So that is when I was forced myself to give up and I chose to do it without rehab and I did without any hesitation. I am now 2years alcohol-free and I will never drink again, not even a sip or in food!
I thought my life was getting a little better, as I found the perfect man for me. He was my soul-mate and the first man I truly loved, the man I was going to marry and have a family with someday. This however turned out to be the complete opposite and a tragic loss. After a year of going out my sweetheart Wayne was instantly killed by a Truck Driver on his way to work. This crushed me and when I look back and try to remember the day I found out about his death, I canít! All I can remember is his sister ringing me on the phone in tears and thatís it. I went into shutdown mode, and wanted to see no one or be around anyone that knew me. This is where Private Practice saved me the most, as it gave me a distraction and something to focus on because I still have not yet come to terms with my grief yet. The hardest part was that I had to plan his funeral, because before he died we had a random chat about what we would want if we died, and two weeks late he did. I still feel a lot of pain over his death and I always felt guilty because I felt like it was because of me he was killed. I know that itís not my fault, but whenever I see his family I just cannot help it. The image of his coffin still haunts my dreams and I will never forget him either. This is why I think I am invested in Cooper Freedman (Paul Adelstein) and Charlotte kingís (KaDee Strickland) relationship, because I see myself wanting to be like Charlotte and she has Cooper who reminds me of what my boyfriend was like. It seems to be all I can focus on these days, like an addiction really. Everything at the moment in my life is focused on Private Practice, Charlotte and Cooperís relationship, even the cast. Iíve also become a twitter addict and all I can do is just talk about Private Practice but if it wasnít for that, ëwhat do I have left?í Absolutely nothing! My friends hardly talk to me, my parents donít either so who and what else is there? No one and if werenít for twitter and the internet I would feel so alone.
I relate to Charlotte (KaDee Strickland) because she is a strong woman and has to be the responsible one. She is the one that does things that other people do not want to do. Her being strong is a quality I needed when my boyfriend died. So I intensely follow everything she says and does on Private practice because I am learning on how to do that for myself. It reminds me of the episode when Big Daddy dies and Charlotte has to pull the plug but canít. Iím feeling like that right now and to watch Charlotte get through it made me feel strong too. Charlotte is my favorite as I need to be more like her in areas of being tough, and strong minded.
Iím thankful for twitter, as talking to people about Private Practice has made me start smiling again and that hasnít happened in a very long time. I have also made a lot of nice people and I am now friends with.
As for Private Practice well I am glad that we have it in our lives otherwise I do not know what I would do with myself. Thank you to Shonda Rhimes for hiring such a great cast of inspiring people to help me, help others get through difficult tragedies like I have too.
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