‘One glass of wine should be okay, oh maybe another one; I’ll be okay to have one more’. This is what I was saying every night of the week for 3years of my life. People may think that it sounds pathetic and not true at all, but I was in fact labeled as a Binge drinking Alcoholic. At the time I started in 2005, It was just to fit in with my friends as ‘social drinking’, but as time went on and I started to feel depressed it became a daily ritual to drink a minimum of a bottle of wine before going to bed. No matter how busy or where I was, I would always find a way to drink, even if it meant secret drinking under my bed.
In 2006 the drinking problem continued and got worse. Instead of drinking a bottle of wine every night, I would also drink a litre of pure vodka every second to third night too. No one knew I had a problem at the time and my friends did not seem to care, as they were the ones that would encourage me to do it. My parents had no idea that this was going on with me because I was very good at hiding it from them. I would go out partying, go out to drinks, and then go clubbing in town. It was after my boyfriend died, where my alcohol problems really started. I was so depressed, hurt, angry, guilty and sad that at the time alcohol was the only way I thought would make me feel better. It did for a while until I realized that your problems don’t go away by pushing them away because they eventually start eating away at you, and they did. Going out night clubbing was where my problems got worse as there were so many nights I couldn’t remember but every morning I would wake up not knowing where I was and very hung over. I was a prime target for predators to jump me but I was very lucky at this point of time.
This continued throughout 2007 and into 2008, and it was in 2008 where I finally got the wake up call. During University/spring break I drunk 14 days in a row non-stop. I thought I was fine on the 14th day but when I woke up I was in extreme pain. I sufferer alcohol poisoning for another 2weeks and when I finally gave up hiding the pain I went to the doctors. The doctor told me if I kept drinking as I was, I would be dead in a year. He also told me I had some liver damage but if I stopped drinking straight away my liver could repair itself. This is where I knew I had to surrender and approach my mom (The Real Charlotte King) about what was happening to me. This is where I was told to give up ‘cold turkey’ or to go to rehab. I decided to go ‘cold turkey’ because I wanted to prove to everyone that I wanted to change and that I was not an alcoholic.
I was doing very well at the no-drinking policy in 2009, that was until the darkest and most horrific thing ever happened to me. The rape brought up many of my old feelings to hit the bottle again. I wanted too so much but every time I tried I could see my boyfriend’s face on it saying, ‘No Natasha! It’s not your time to be with me yet. You’re worth way more than that bottle will ever do to you. I’ll be here waiting for you but only when your old and grey.’ So I concurred the alcohol cravings and when you give up a craving you instantly find another. This time the craving/obsessions I have now are harmless but to others make me seem weird. My new cravings is now Sketching, television shows, movies, scriptwriting, poem writing, Twitter, having role models, and of course talking about ‘Private Practice’.
Everywhere I go now, I have to ask ‘Does that beef fillet meal have red wine in the sauce? If so, can you please not put it on mine? Sometimes they ask why don’t I want it and so I have to say, ‘Because I’m a recovering alcoholic.’ If I did not ask and just assumed there was none and I found out it did contain alcohol I could be putting myself in jeopardy for falling back into my old habits. So far I have lasted 2years without even a drop of alcohol and I feel very good about it. My friends don’t understand as they still pressure me to drink but seeing as I haven’t gone anywhere this year it’s been quite easy for me to say ‘No thanks I’m driving.’ So for the ones that drink like what I used too, what ever you do, don’t end up like me and stop now before you dig yourselves an early grave. It is just not worth it, believe me!
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