When I woke up on Thursday morning I felt very refreshed and wondered what time was. I checked my phone and saw 30 twitter updates and thought ‘Great I’m liked this morning’ but as I read them in bed, my face turned from excitement to extreme horror and I was literally sick. ‘Why Charlotte? I thought, and out of nowhere, I burst out crying. I cried non-stop for 12 hours. I asked myself again, ‘Why am I crying over a fictional character? Grow up Girl and stop being a pathetic loser!’ That is a question I am still trying to answer.
The reason why I reacted so emotionally to how I did over finding out about Charlotte’s rape story was the fact that it is very real to me, as a stranger too has raped me. I know how Charlotte is going to feel as I too felt ashamed, vulnerable, scared, and paranoid. She will never get over it and it will be with her for the rest of her life. You can’t run away from it and you can’t block it out. I have tried to do that for a year now and it hasn’t worked. You can’t really understand how it must feel for a victim unless you are a victim yourself. You can try too but it is nowhere near the same as living through it your self.
At first when I heard about the Charlotte Rape story I thought it would be something I could never watch. I’m very attached to Charlotte because she is my favorite and what hurts her, hurts me also. It would be like asking me to watch my best friend go through what I had too, and I just don’t think I could. It will also bring back the bad memories of my attack, the attack I have tried to hide away from since it happened a year ago.
However now that I have raised my concerns and thoughts to my Private Practice twitter followers and to my newfound friend Hillary, I have started to understand why showing this story is important to us victims. It’s important because there is so many women out there who are like me that have not reported their rape. Maybe by showing this on a global popular TV show like Private Practice, it will make others feel that it’s okay to come forward and that it’s not our fault. I have to keep telling myself that everyday I wake up otherwise it will eat me alive like it did for the first 11 months.
I would like to give my congratulations to KaDee Strickland for acting this very traumatizing story and it must have bee emotionally hard on her too. It cannot have been easy to for her without feeling emotionally connected to the story because even though it wasn’t really happening to KaDee, it must have felt very real. I’m glad she had the support from the cast, crew from Private Practice but more importantly the organization, ‘RAINN’. This organization are the best for helping Rape, Sexual Assault victims so please for all those out there who haven’t reported your attack, contact them on www.rainn.org
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