What to Expect from Charlotte After she is Attacked Part1

What will happen to Charlotte? Who will find her? Who will she tell? How will she cope with it all? These are just some of the many questions that are playing on my mind right now after seeing ‘Private Practice season 4 episode 5’ a few hours ago. After the episode had aired to television, many of my Private Practice and Charlotte-Cooper Twitter followers were asking me the exact same questions. This is why I thought to write a blog on what I think might happen after Charlotte (KaDee) is attacked, based on my own personal rape attack experience.

We are all aware of Charlotte King’s Rape Attack and are expecting to see it at the end of next week’s 'Private Practice season 4 episode 6', but are we all prepared to what we are about to see? I know I’m not, but in order to prepare myself for this heartbreaking attack to my girl Charlotte (KaDee) I have reassure myself that what i see is not real. I also have to tell myself that it's not happening to KaDee Strickland who plays Charlotte off 'Private Practice'. It sounds stupid i know! I mean i know it's fiction and not real life but my brain is telling me it is, so it makes me question what is going to happen next with Charlotte.

My thought on Private Practice Rape Story
After Charlotte (KaDee) is brutally attacked in 'Private Practice Season 4 episode 6' I reckon she will not confide in anyone other than the doctor who has to examine her and the person who finds her beaten up. I don’t think Cooper (Paul) will find out from Charlotte what happened, but I do think he will find out from one of the others. Charlotte will most likely be very quiet and not open to talk about the attack as she probably feels embarrassed.

My Personal Experience
Like Charlotte, when I was attacked I did not want anyone to know, including my boyfriend at the time. It’s very embarrassing and shameful for the one who has to sadly experience this and we don’t even want to tell our doctors the truth. We just want to go home, move on with life and forget it ever happened because this is how I felt except it didn’t turn out like this.

My thought on Private Practice Rape Story
Cooper (Paul) will probably feel guilty about not being able to rescue Charlotte (KaDee) from the attack as he will also feel responsible for not being with her at the time. Cooper will feel helpless and will not know what to do and will not know how to comfort her. We know for a fact that Cooper will not want to leave Charlotte alone or by herself ever because he will want to protect her from this ever happening again.

My Personal Experience
I don’t know what it’s like to be a partner of someone who has been raped or attacked but I do know how my ex-boyfriend felt when it happened to me because we discussed it months later. He told me that it is the most unbearable feeling in the world not being able to control the situation. He wished he was there at the time instead of being at his friend’s place. For weeks he would be by my side and would follow me everywhere. He was very protective of me and promised he would find this creep and give me justice, but I wouldn’t let him. I wouldn’t tell him what I could remember so he wouldn’t get involved. I just wanted to move on from it and I thought I had until I heard about the ‘Private Practice’ Rape Story.

My thought on Private Practice Rape Story
Cooper(Paul) will most likely be very clingy to Charlotte (KaDee) and in time she will lean into him but at first Charlotte will go back to her old ways. Charlotte will put up her brick wall again to show that she is strong and that she doesn’t need help. I don't think it will last for long because she will realize that she can’t do it by herself. She will need Cooper more than ever and even though she will push him away at first, he will know that she wouldn’t be able to get through it without him. Hence why he would never leave her.

My thought about Private Practice Rape story
It must be bad enough for Charlotte (KaDee)to get brutally attacked then raped but having to deal with its ramifications afterwards, is catastrophic. Poor Charlotte will not want anyone to touch her and she will even not want her Cooper (Paul) touching her for a while. Because she was violated sexually and we all know that Charlotte loves sex especially with Cooper, we will probably see her turn away from it. She will no doubt avoid being touched by Cooper and will not want to have sex but the man that Cooper is, he will understand why and be by her side no matter what. Cooper loves Charlotte so much that he would never pressure her into doing something that she is not ready for. He is a good man, he is her man, and he would never walk away from her.

My Personal Experience
I know when I was raped I didn’t want to be touched by anyone, even the doctors who had to see to me. It just reminds you of the whole attack and it makes you feel that it is happening again. When my boyfriend tried to be intimate with me after the attack, I know I just couldn’t do it. I would hyperventilate and have panic attacks constantly and it took me a good 6 months to finally overcome that. Every person is different so for some people it may be longer or shorter to overcome these after effects.

Private Practice Conclusion
We all know that no matter what happens after Charlotte’s attack it will never be the same again for the lives of ‘Private Practice’. It will not just change the lives of Charlotte and Cooper, but it will also change the rest of Ocean Side wellness Group as well. They are a family and in a family if one person gets hurt they all do too, it’s as simple as that.

It will be a roller-coaster ride for Charlotte and Cooper with ups and downs but thank goodness for Shonda’s promise to us all. If you don’t know what promise she made to us, it was the fact that they will still get married and be together throughout the entire ordeal. I trust her that this promise will be kept, after-all she is the brains behind this fantastic show so what she says I believe. What will happen to Charlotte after the attack? I only know what I have seen or heard and I may be completely wrong, so it’s best to keep watching.

Special Thanks to:
Kadee Strickland playing Charlotte King
Paul Adelstein playing Cooper Freedman

AND...
Shonda Rhimes creator and writer of Private Practice

Sexual Abuse Verses Rape Effects Part One

‘Now it’s just between me and you Natasha okay? No one needs to know, not even your mom or grandma.’ This is one conversation I will never forget as I was 9 years old at the time and my trustworthy Nana, (of all people) left me alone several times with this creep! Yes it was kept a secret to what I can remember but for how long, I have no idea. All I know is that from the time this happened until now, it has affected me in more ways than I could imagine. It’s not normal for a person to be able to experience both sexual abuse and rape in one lifetime but for me unfortunately I have.

SEXUAL ABUSE
Sexual abuse scared me growing up as at the abuse started; it was the time I had learning difficulties. To my knowledge of what I can remember is that after the abuse had taken place I would go to school and not learn. I would disconnect myself from the world and go into La La land as a way of escaping. This led me into having comprehension problems and gave me the learning disorder named ‘dysgraphia’. This effect's the way I communicate where in my head I know what I am thinking but expressing it down on paper I find it difficult. I have now learnt to manage it by myself as when I write stories, essays or blogs I read it out loud to myself. This is where I can hear my mistakes but if I didn’t read it out loud, it would make no sense at all because my sentences would be all jumbled.

SEXUAL ABUSE
When I was in middle school I was an outgoing, nice girl who loved to be centre of attention. Everyone in my family thought I would be an actress when I was older and so did I. I even did drama lessons at school and loved it, but once it came to performing in front of people that was when I would freeze up. I would freeze up like a statue unable to open my lips, as everyone’s eyes glazed at me. I used to think ‘Natasha, what’s wrong with you? They are just people not killer sharks, so get a grip!’ Unfortunately telling myself that, just made me feel crazy and it didn’t help anyway. This happened all throughout high school and it only was because of my film course at ‘SouthSeas Film and Television School’ that I got over my fear of public speaking.

SEXUAL ABUSE
When I got to junior high school, my friends started to interact with guys and I tried as well but every time I would talk to one I would get tense and hyperventilate. I used to tell myself it was just nerves but deep down I knew. I knew it was because I was scared a horny teenage boy would do what my abuser did to me. This used to scare me every time I was alone with males and even family members I trusted with my life. This carried on through-out my high school years and even now I am still very cautious. Hence why I sleep with my laptop playing Private Practice on at night and my cell phone next to me, just in case.

RAPE
Having to go through sexual abuse is bad enough but to go through rape as well, is not fun at all. It definitely changes the way you think, feel and carries many intimacy issues and because of this you struggle to find someone you can trust, love and be open with. It makes you also very aware of what is going on around you and when to be cautious as I am always on the lookout for potential creeps.

RAPE
To approach a person who has been raped is like approaching shattered glass because you have to be careful where you walk and what you say to them. When the first person approached me when I was raped I couldn’t look at them as I was embarrassed, anxious and in denial. They asked me ‘Are you okay? What happened?’ I should have said ‘I have been raped and the guy is running away down there’ but instead I said ‘I just want to go home. Please just take me home!’I was stupid at the time as I never got examined for my rape because I was too ashamed and thought it was my fault. Now I have to pay the price every time I got for my woman check it hurts real badly, because I am always very tense and anxious.

RAPE
Not only does rape affect you physically but it also affects you mentally and emotionally for the rest of your life. I try to stay positive about it all but how can you? I mean there’s nothing positive or uplifting about it at all. The only positive outcome I can think of that can come out of this ordeal, is once I have helped myself I can help others. Word of mouth is a very powerful tool and one day I hope my tragedies and life obstacles can help or prevent others from going through what I have had too.

PRIVATE PRACTICE STORY
I am very grateful for ‘Private Practice’ because if it were not for the rape storyline that the phenomenal actress KaDee Strickland is part of, then I would not have opened up about my own attack. At first when I heard about the ‘Private Practice’ story I was mortified and upset for several days but as I started to think about it, it made me realize how amazing the story will be for us victims out there. Yes it will be hard to watch, but I am going to make myself watch it, even if it means clutching onto the tissue box for several weeks.

Just Pick up the Phone and do it! Do it for Charlotte

Picking up the phone and dialing the rape helpline number was a piece of cake, but once I heard the poor lady speak on the other end of the phone, I choked up and hung up on her. Yes that’s right, I chickened out and it felt good for like 20seconds, until I started to think of ‘Private Practice’. I started to tell myself ‘what would Charlotte do? What would KaDee say? And the response I imagined her saying was, ‘Tash, stop being such a coward and just do it for god’s sake! You can’t help others unless you help yourself first!’ I know I sound crazy but imaging KaDee saying that actually worked. I got the courage to ring the rape helpline again and this time instead of hanging up, I spoke human word’s, after a minute of silence first.

Should I, or shouldn’t I? I can’t decide what to do. I really want to go to my first appointment but I just know, I will be petrified to go in. Just thinking about it scares the living daylights out of me and it’s giving me the shakes just thinking about what will happen. So many thoughts are running through my head about the idea of telling some stranger about my horrific attack. I haven’t even verbally told anyone about it yet, so the thought of spilling my guts to a councilor makes me very anxious. I’m already an anxious person so is it worth putting my body through more stress than its already in? I would love to accept this and to go run and hide under my bed than going. however, I know if I don’t face up to do it, it will just eat me alive. So I have to go, I just have to! if not for me, i have to do it for all the Charlotte's out in the world. I know i owe it to myself and to other victims to come froward bout it, but the thought just terrifies me.

What are they going to ask me? What are they going to make me say? I can’t get these questions out of my head right now. I’m so worried that they will stare at me with crazy eyes, not believing a word I say because them not believing me would make me feel like I deserve everything that happened to me. I can already hear them say, ‘damn girl you bring it on yourself’ and it’s not a good feeling to have. Sometimes I do think like that and it makes me feel like God is punishing me for trying to be a good person. I hope he isn’t because I seem to be getting punished severely in the past 5 years if so. Why is it that some people get everything in life handed to them with no troubles, and I get every worst thing possible? I’ve been through, car accidents, sexual abuse, depression, alcoholism, death of boyfriend, gluten allergy, migraine aura, rape, and now neurological issues. Can there be anything else worse to come for me? I hope not! There is only so much one person can take in life so please oh please give me something to look forward too.

Ever since hearing the story about Charlotte getting raped on Private Practice, It has made me think very deeply about my own attack. It’s been giving me nightmares and no sleep, but the underline of it all is that I think it was a good thing to hear about, as it will help me deal with my experience. It is because of Private Practice that I got the courage to FINALLY ring and make an appointment with the rape helpline.

So as I wait for my appointment with the rape helpline I will start to think of the emotional and mental questions they will no doubt ask me so I am prepared. I really wish that Violet or Amy were a real therapist as she would have been my first choice. One can only wish.

Alcohol Almost killed Me - It's Not Worth It

‘One glass of wine should be okay, oh maybe another one; I’ll be okay to have one more’. This is what I was saying every night of the week for 3years of my life. People may think that it sounds pathetic and not true at all, but I was in fact labeled as a Binge drinking Alcoholic. At the time I started in 2005, It was just to fit in with my friends as ‘social drinking’, but as time went on and I started to feel depressed it became a daily ritual to drink a minimum of a bottle of wine before going to bed. No matter how busy or where I was, I would always find a way to drink, even if it meant secret drinking under my bed.

In 2006 the drinking problem continued and got worse. Instead of drinking a bottle of wine every night, I would also drink a litre of pure vodka every second to third night too. No one knew I had a problem at the time and my friends did not seem to care, as they were the ones that would encourage me to do it. My parents had no idea that this was going on with me because I was very good at hiding it from them. I would go out partying, go out to drinks, and then go clubbing in town. It was after my boyfriend died, where my alcohol problems really started. I was so depressed, hurt, angry, guilty and sad that at the time alcohol was the only way I thought would make me feel better. It did for a while until I realized that your problems don’t go away by pushing them away because they eventually start eating away at you, and they did. Going out night clubbing was where my problems got worse as there were so many nights I couldn’t remember but every morning I would wake up not knowing where I was and very hung over. I was a prime target for predators to jump me but I was very lucky at this point of time.

This continued throughout 2007 and into 2008, and it was in 2008 where I finally got the wake up call. During University/spring break I drunk 14 days in a row non-stop. I thought I was fine on the 14th day but when I woke up I was in extreme pain. I sufferer alcohol poisoning for another 2weeks and when I finally gave up hiding the pain I went to the doctors. The doctor told me if I kept drinking as I was, I would be dead in a year. He also told me I had some liver damage but if I stopped drinking straight away my liver could repair itself. This is where I knew I had to surrender and approach my mom (The Real Charlotte King) about what was happening to me. This is where I was told to give up ‘cold turkey’ or to go to rehab. I decided to go ‘cold turkey’ because I wanted to prove to everyone that I wanted to change and that I was not an alcoholic.

I was doing very well at the no-drinking policy in 2009, that was until the darkest and most horrific thing ever happened to me. The rape brought up many of my old feelings to hit the bottle again. I wanted too so much but every time I tried I could see my boyfriend’s face on it saying, ‘No Natasha! It’s not your time to be with me yet. You’re worth way more than that bottle will ever do to you. I’ll be here waiting for you but only when your old and grey.’ So I concurred the alcohol cravings and when you give up a craving you instantly find another. This time the craving/obsessions I have now are harmless but to others make me seem weird. My new cravings is now Sketching, television shows, movies, scriptwriting, poem writing, Twitter, having role models, and of course talking about ‘Private Practice’.


Everywhere I go now, I have to ask ‘Does that beef fillet meal have red wine in the sauce? If so, can you please not put it on mine? Sometimes they ask why don’t I want it and so I have to say, ‘Because I’m a recovering alcoholic.’ If I did not ask and just assumed there was none and I found out it did contain alcohol I could be putting myself in jeopardy for falling back into my old habits. So far I have lasted 2years without even a drop of alcohol and I feel very good about it. My friends don’t understand as they still pressure me to drink but seeing as I haven’t gone anywhere this year it’s been quite easy for me to say ‘No thanks I’m driving.’ So for the ones that drink like what I used too, what ever you do, don’t end up like me and stop now before you dig yourselves an early grave. It is just not worth it, believe me!

Charlotte Rape Story Poem - Written by Me

When I heard Charlotte’s Rape Story
It made me burst out to cry
I took it harder than I thought I would
It sure as hell made me want to die

Why Charlotte? I would ask myself
Why not Addison, Amelia, or Nai?
It’s like finding out it is my closest friend
So please just make the pain go away

It will be hard to watch her suffer
On Private Practice my favorite show
I hope it will not be too gruesome
And that she has a place for her to go

What will happen in the aftermath?
It is something that we all want to see
I just hope Charlotte can get through it
And know that it happened to me

Poor Cooper will be beside himself
And blame him self for not being there
She will no doubt go into denial
And will now live her life in fear

I’m, glad to hear she talks to Addison
And can get the help she will need
I hope that they will find her attacker
So then her shame can be then freed

Will Charlotte go back to how she was?
And bring up her wall to shield herself?
I wonder if she will tell her family
Or will she go home to them in the South

But no matter what happens to her
She will know that cooper has her heart
He will stand by her and keep her safe
As he has loved her from the very start

It will be sad to watch her go through it
And PP life will never be the same again
So don’t get upset with Shonda with this
And please don’t hear me you complain

It must have been hard for KaDee though
Who plays Charlotte so very well
The effort, the research, and commitment
It must have been a living hell

So I give KaDee my standing ovation
And Shonda an absolute thank you
I will definitely be watching the episode
Even though it will be very hard too

I've seen more Specialists than Private Practice

I couldn’t count how many doctor, and specialist appointments I have had this year, as there are too many to track or write down. For example: I have seen a ‘Naomi’ doctor, for High Prolactin levels and overactive hormones. I have also seen a ‘Pete’ doctor for millions of tests, a ‘Amelia’ doctor for severe amount of non-specific foci’s found on my MRI scans, and now I have also seen an eye specialist for high pressures in both my eyes that may result in glaucoma later on.

What else can I get thrown my way? Oh yes, I have not been able to work since December last year, as I have been tackling a virus all this time. It has made me get chronic fatigue syndrome and has sucked out all my energy I once had. I also have been suffering from migraine aura, which may be caused from the non-specific foci’s they found on my brain. I am still yet to be hearing back from neurologist, as he has no idea what they are and what causes them. Very worrying I know, but I have to stay positive and know that I will be fine.

In the last 2 months I have been feeling unwell and nauseous so my doctor did some more tests to find out I have an allergy to gluten and dairy. Doing the gluten and dairy free diets has helped me not feel sick but it also means that I have to be careful what I eat, so no takeaways, chemicals or preservatives for me anymore.

Everything finally seemed to be going on track health wise and I even felt ready to look for work again, but last week I have been having arm troubles. This means that I get to see a ‘Pete’ Doctor to help the nerves relax. Apparently I lose my pulse on my left arm when I move it in certain way, which is the reason why my arm’s blood circulation gets cut off when I sleep.

I have been tested for everything and anything so it made me get over my worst fear just like Charlotte’s off Private Practice. That’s right my fear of needles. I may have to lye down when I have a blood test but at least I don’t faint or scream anymore like I used too.

The Awful Attack Poem - Written by Me

I saw someone follow me
From the corner of my eye
Who was he? I thought
But a strange looking guy

He went to remove my clothing
Slowly removing one by one
To him this was all
So much joy and fun

He then blindfolded me
So tight that my face went numb
He went into my bedroom
And he forced me to come

I was so sacred for my life
Of what he was about to do
I could see it in his eyes
He knew I didn’t want too

He asked to take my clothes off
And told me not to cry
I froze and did what I was asked
As I did not want to die

He forced me to have sex with him
And this I will always remember
This is still not over
Until court date next December

This man was my worst nightmare
A man who ruined my life
This man who had a family
Two children and a normal wife

When I have to go to court
This man I don’t wish to never see
Please do not prove him innocent
Remember this happened to me

Please note: I changed the story to make it more impacting for viewers as my attacker is still out there and i never knew who he was.

Pete can you help me, like you helped Charlotte?

Where is Pete Wilder when you need him? He helped Charlotte when she couldn’t sleep, now I need someone to help me too. I am lucky if I can sleep 4 straight hours a night without having to wake up and not go back to sleep. No matter what time I go to bed, whether it’s 10pm or 2am I will still not get sufficient sleep. The other day when I found out the Charlotte Rape Story that’s going to happen on ‘Private Practice’ I was so upset that I was awake for 54hours before I managed to get 6 hours shut eye. It reminded me of the episode when Charlotte also was awake for 2days and needed Pete’s help to relax.

When I don’t sleep, I am on the computer, and when I’m not on the computer I am watching Private Practice. I think my trouble with sleeping started when I started to isolate my self off from the world. Since having no job, no partner, and no life I have nothing to look forward too the next day. My body is probably telling my brain that I don’t need to sleep if I have nothing to do for the following day ahead. I don’t blame my body responding in that way either, but at the same time it is wearing me down and making me go nuts. I don’t even know what day, month or time it is anymore, that’s how bad it has become. I even forgot it will be my own birthday on 19th October, and only remembered when I saw a message on my facebook profile about it.

Another thought to why I am such a night owl and someone who can never sleep is because my brain is a constant ticking time bomb with too many thoughts and story ideas. My computer must hate me right now because I have so many scripts, fanfic, poem, short stories, and blog files on here. I wouldn’t be surprised if one day my computer decides to chew them all up and empty the trashcan on me before I have them on a backup disc.

So please Pete, can you help me sleep? I want you to help me like you helped charlotte? Oh wait a minute you’re a fictional character and not real person. If only you were real, I would be off to your office right away, not before seeing Charlotte of course because she is going to need a big hug.

I Love Private Practice, More than Myself

It is sad but true. I have now accepted that I love the show Private Practice more than I love myself right now. I am now officially addicted to the show and everything I say or talk about is on ‘Private Practice’. My friends and even my family are now trying to do an intervention on me, that’s how bad it has become. I try to tell them that it is just temporary and that it is my way of trying not to think about the bad things in life I have experienced. I think after a year of being addicted, I guess that it wouldn’t be counted as a temporary thing.

As much as I love the show, it shouldn’t take over my life like it has done. It makes me look crazy when I am around others, so no wonder I don’t have any friends. No one understands that by having to give it up, it would be much more hard to do than it was for me to stop drinking alcohol. It is like asking me to switch off my life support or telling me to stop breathing, I just know I couldn’t.

Lucky for me, they aren’t telling me to cut ‘Private Practice’ out of my life completely; instead they are just telling me to get a life instead. I try telling them that watching the show is like my medicine as it helps me to forget and feel better about myself. They however, think I’m just talking ‘rubbish’ and don’t understand why it is so important to me. So I stand by my reasons and say, ‘Private Practice saved my life and if it wasn’t for the show I would be in such a bad mess right now’.

Now that I have written this and read it over, I can see why they are concerned but like I said in this blog, it is just temporary, even if it takes me until the end of the show’s series I will be less crazy and like they want ‘I will have a life’.

One thing is for certain though I will never stop watching ‘Private Practice’ and no matter how hard it will be for me to watch the rape Story, I will watch it intently. I owe it to my role model KaDee Strickland to watch it, as she made a damn effort to make it as real as possible. This is so that victims like myself can feel comfortable to come forward and know that it is not our fault and that it is not okay for this to happen to anyone!

Help Charlotte, Help Yourself

Charlotte King (KaDee Strickland) who gets brutally attacked and raped on Private Practice will need a lot of support and help from her friends, colleagues and more importantly her fiancée Cooper freedman (Paul Adelstein). It is important that she does seek help afterwards because I know what it is like not too, and believe me it’s not worth the pain later.

If only I could turn back the clock and erase that awful night of my attack. I would in heart beat if could, but I can’t and now I’m stuck with it until the day I die. I should have gotten professional help just like Charlotte most likely will, but I didn’t because I was a coward and ashamed. I was ashamed that something so traumatic and horrifying happened to me and I just let it happen. I didn’t fight back, I didn’t yell or scream, I just stayed quiet and let him do it. I was too much of a coward to say ‘stop it’ or ‘leave me alone I’m only 21 for god’s sake!’ and now I look back and wonder if I said those things to him would he have continued?

The Aftermath was the worst because I pretended like it never happened. I went home like normal, went to work and continued my studies at university. What I did afterwards, I went into shutdown mode and closed myself off from the people who cared. Now I am lucky if one of my friend’s wants to see me because I am afraid to talk to them. I never go out at night anymore because I am afraid and in the day I go out but very rarely.

If only I had the courage to seek help after the attack, then maybe I wouldn’t be sitting here trying to connect with the cyber world for someone to talk too and share my thoughts.

Let’s help Charlotte and if you are a rape victim too then please don’t be like me and get professional help straight away. www.rainn.org are the best people to help. Also do not blame yourself and ask ‘what if’ questions to yourself, it will eat away at you otherwise and just remember IT’S NOT YOUR FAULT!

Take me Home Charlotte

If I was crazy and thought life in Private Practice was real, I would be saying ‘Please take me home Charlotte and be my best friend. I will be there for you and I will not let anyone hurt you, like they did to me.” That’s what I feel like doing now, just to run away from it all and live in a fantasy world with fictional people. That way I can create and write my own life story and chose what I want to happen. If only Charlotte King was a real person, because I really need a Charlotte in my life. She is a fighter, she is strong, and most importantly she needs support and close friends to be able to help her through what is going to happen to her.

I feel her pain, because like myself she will want to run away and hide from it all as a way of trying to deny it ever happened. That is what I wanted to do after my attack happened and even now, I still just want to jump on a plane and fly away from New Zealand to run away from every thing but unfortunately that is not the answer. I need to face them head on, as Charlotte will have too. I need to tell myself ‘stay stronger, you’re a fighter, just like Charlotte’.

The pain, and memories do not go away unfortunately but they do fade and heal over time. After a year of my attack they have faded but I have accepted that it will be always be a part of me as it has made me who I am now. I am a survivor and what ever horrible things happen to me, will only make me stronger. You only get dealt with what you can handle in life because I believe things happen for a reason. I believe the bad things that happen to you are there to teach you lessons in life and to help others get through it just like you have too.

So If Charlotte king was a real person and she asked me to come live with here I would be overjoyed but she isn’t so I should stop thinking like a crazy person.

KaDee worked hard, So I have to watch it!

After hearing about the Private Practice Darkest Story on Charlotte's Brutal Attack, all i keep telling myself in the last 2days is, "I have to watch it, i just have too!" Not only is it because KaDee Strickland (who plays Charlotte) worked so damn hard on making the rape seem real, but it will also help me come to terms and deal with my own attack.

I have always tried to deny it ever happened to me because i thought no one would believe me as i was also sexually abused several times as a child from my step-grandad. That is what Charlotte will be like after it happens, she will be in denial for a while and she will feel very uncomfortably embarrassed towards the rest of the group. Charlotte is very lucky to have Cooper in her life but he too will be feeling very guilty that he could not rescue her. That was like my boyfriend when i was trying to get over my attack. He tried to be there for me but i kept pushing him away and telling me him that i was okay, but really i was not.

'Why go to counseling, when i can just watch it on my favorite show?' is a question i wish i could listen too but i'm afraid not! I have done this for way too long because in the last year since my own attack, i have used watching Private Practice on my DVDs as a coping mechanism rather than getting professional help. I have not left my house during that time and because of that i am now a hermit who is only surviving by watching Private Practice and being on the internet. i sleep only 4hours a night if i am lucky and when i am i get up every hour freaked out that someone will come in my room and attack me.

I know it will be hard for me, but i have to watch this gruesome Private Practice episode because if i don't then i will not be able to move on and i may even learn something from watching it too. I also cannot let KaDee Strickland down either, she has worked way too hard on this for me not too at least try.

Finding out about Charlotte's Brutal Attack

When I woke up on Thursday morning I felt very refreshed and wondered what time was. I checked my phone and saw 30 twitter updates and thought ‘Great I’m liked this morning’ but as I read them in bed, my face turned from excitement to extreme horror and I was literally sick. ‘Why Charlotte? I thought, and out of nowhere, I burst out crying. I cried non-stop for 12 hours. I asked myself again, ‘Why am I crying over a fictional character? Grow up Girl and stop being a pathetic loser!’ That is a question I am still trying to answer.

The reason why I reacted so emotionally to how I did over finding out about Charlotte’s rape story was the fact that it is very real to me, as a stranger too has raped me. I know how Charlotte is going to feel as I too felt ashamed, vulnerable, scared, and paranoid. She will never get over it and it will be with her for the rest of her life. You can’t run away from it and you can’t block it out. I have tried to do that for a year now and it hasn’t worked. You can’t really understand how it must feel for a victim unless you are a victim yourself. You can try too but it is nowhere near the same as living through it your self.

At first when I heard about the Charlotte Rape story I thought it would be something I could never watch. I’m very attached to Charlotte because she is my favorite and what hurts her, hurts me also. It would be like asking me to watch my best friend go through what I had too, and I just don’t think I could. It will also bring back the bad memories of my attack, the attack I have tried to hide away from since it happened a year ago.

However now that I have raised my concerns and thoughts to my Private Practice twitter followers and to my newfound friend Hillary, I have started to understand why showing this story is important to us victims. It’s important because there is so many women out there who are like me that have not reported their rape. Maybe by showing this on a global popular TV show like Private Practice, it will make others feel that it’s okay to come forward and that it’s not our fault. I have to keep telling myself that everyday I wake up otherwise it will eat me alive like it did for the first 11 months.

I would like to give my congratulations to KaDee Strickland for acting this very traumatizing story and it must have bee emotionally hard on her too. It cannot have been easy to for her without feeling emotionally connected to the story because even though it wasn’t really happening to KaDee, it must have felt very real. I’m glad she had the support from the cast, crew from Private Practice but more importantly the organization, ‘RAINN’. This organization are the best for helping Rape, Sexual Assault victims so please for all those out there who haven’t reported your attack, contact them on www.rainn.org

Helping Jane and others on Private Practice

INTRODUCTION TO PRIVATE PRACTICE

If you’re a hypochondriac who feels the need to check up on a medical issue and your doctor’s bill has reached its limit, then you must watch the inspirational Grey’s Anatomy spin-off series, Private Practice. This show has everything you need to fulfill those nasty chocolate cravings at night. From fascinating medical issues and romantic storylines to dramatic conflicts between friendships, this fantastic show has it all. Join the Oceanside Wellness Group Medical practice by following the lives of Addison Montgomery, Naomi Bennett, Sam Bennett, Violet Turner, Cooper Freedman, Charlotte King, Sheldon Wallace and newcomer Amelia Sheppard.


PRIVATE PRACTICE SEASON 4 EPISODE 2 –JANE’S STORY

When I usually watch Private Practice on a regular basis, I am always excited and enthusiastic about what is about to happen and the stories it beholds. This time however when I watched Private Practice season 4, episode 2, my mood was very different. Instead of myself feeling warm and overjoyed with the resolutions to the episode’s storyline, I was left feeling emotional and in a trance. When Jane (Darryl Stephens) was telling Charlotte King (KaDee Strickland) about how her ‘insides don’t match my outsides’, I can completely relate that into my own life. Although I know I’m female inside and out, I can relate to how Jane is feeling as I too don’t feel like myself most of the time. What I feel in the inside is the real me; a caring, positive person who just wants to be happy but the outside me is; distraught, upset and vulnerable all the time. There are many of us in the world who battle with this kind of angst like Jane, every day and we all wish we didn’t have too. However most of us who feel like this never get the chance or courage to come forward about it and because of Private Practice I strongly believe it has inspired people to do so. How do I know this? because I am one of those people and I have also some Twitter followers who have told me the same thing.

Fantastic actress KaDee Strickland playing the role as Charlotte made the Jane story come alive. The connection between KaDee and Darryl was engaging to watch as you couldn’t help feel emotionally invested in their character’s story. Dedicated actor Darryl Stephens playing the role of Jane was also right on the money because if someone else had acted the part I do not think it would have made such an inspirational impact on our lives. I truly felt for Jane when she was declined the surgical operation because I too, know what it is like to be rejected in life. I have been socially rejected for most of my life as I always feel like I do not fit in or that I’m the odd one out. Ever since I was a little girl starting school, I have always been teased, bullied and even picked on for being a blond. I used to try and not worry about it but because I get it so much, it is hard not to think about it. This must be how Jane felt like when discovering she was a physically male but inside she actually was female when growing up.

Being socially unaccepted is one of the most traumatizing experiences to go through in life like Jane (Darryl Stevens), just because you are different does not give other people the right to dictate or judge you as a person. Think of all the people in today’s world who are being bullied for being different or more specifically to the people who are in the same position as Jane. Instead there needs to be more people like Charlotte King (KaDee Strickland)so the ones who are like Jane and myself, can actually try to be the real us and not hide our true selves anymore.

This Private Practice Blog is Dedicated to Shonda Rhimes for coming up with this inspirational story, KaDee Strickland for playing the incredible Charlotte King as always, and to Darryl Stephens for playing the inspirational Jane who has helped me in my own life+.

Private Practice, Poem One: Written by Me

Private Practice is a TV show
Rated number one in my mind
Its drama and its conflicts
Voted the best of the show’s kind
Treating patients is there job
Even caring for them too
Private Practice has us all excited
Really wanting us to view
All the cast present off their talent
Creating fans to watch the show
Teaching at Oceanside Wellness
Is the best place you ought to go
Convincing others to be fans
Easier said than it’s done
Tell them they ought to watch it
Voicing watching Private Practice is fun

Living With The Real Charlotte King

If you think Charlotte King played by KaDee Strickland is tough, strong and narrow-minded, then try living with my mother. My mom Nicky should have been called Charlotte King at birth because if it wasn’t based on a fictional character I would swear that Shonda stole my mother’s identity and gave it to KaDee’s character on Private Practice. What makes it even scarier, is that my mom is in the medical profession too. She is a nurse manager for the Dialysis Unit at one of New Zealand’s General Hospital.

MOM-THE REAL CHARLOTTE
When my mom and I watch Private Practice together, she sits in silence where as I sit in shock and amazement to how similar in personalities they are. My mom is a very strong woman who keeps work separate to her personal life. She hates talking about work issues at home because she gets enough of it from me and my Dad. She is also a closed book and does not share her feelings or emotions because to this day I have never seen my mom cry, except for when my boyfriend died. This is exactly like Charlotte King as we see her on Private Practice especially in Season One and Season two.

CHARLOTTE-KADEE STRICKLAND
“I’m a strong woman, I’m strong and I like being strong…” is one of my favorite Charlotte King quotes in Private Practice. It explains why Charlotte is who she is and she does not worry about what others think of her. Charlotte King has always been this way since living in Alabama with her Southern family. She grew up with two younger brothers where she felt that she had to bring them up because her mother would be using ‘the vapors’ and her father treated her like gold. It’s almost like Charlotte had to become an adult before she was even a teenager. This explains everything about why Charlotte is how she is on Private Practice and she doesn’t know any different. We also now realize that originally it wasn’t her wanting to be strong, it was the fact that she had to be strong.

MOM- THE REAL CHARLOTTE
When I think about Charlotte King, it saddens me to think about how she was brought up because like my mom, she too had to learn how to be independent at an early age. When my mom’s brother was born she was only 2years old, but unfortunately he died a few days after. This left my mom as an only child having to look after herself and even her depressed mom for more than twenty years. After 5 years my mom’s father Peter divorced her. As my mom got older, her father was not there for her and her mom was out with boyfriends which left my mom having to look after herself. She became head strong and independent as she had no one else.

CHARLOTTE-KADEE STRICKLAND
Poor Charlotte, everywhere she goes people think she is cold, mean, a bitch, even ‘heartless’ in Private Practice season 1 and some of season 2. Since Charlotte’s feelings for Cooper are real, she is slowly starting open up to show her softer side. However, once she found Cooper as a potential love interest on the show Private Practice, we got to start seeing the real Charlotte. She started to be vulnerable, and even started to talk about feelings even if they were just meaningless opinions. “Are we done with all this talking? Can we take our clothes of us now? “Is another typical Charlotte moment in Private Practice, where she just wants to have emotionless dirty sex with Cooper? It is Charlotte’s cry out for help because whenever a conversation gets too deep or too hard for her she clams up and shuts off her mind so she doesn’t have to think about it.

MOM- THE REAL CHARLOTTE
Since I can remember I have always known my mom as being strict, and she would always teach me from right and wrong. She would never let me get away with anything and I always knew when I was in the wrong. My mom is still like that in fact and at times she has been told by others ‘you just remind me of that blond character from Private Practice. You know the one that has the southern accent?” It always makes me smile when I see my mom’s reaction to that, because my mom cannot see the similarities at all. Because I am a talker and I love to talk a lot, my mom gets sick of me harassing her about feelings. She always ask about my day or how I am feeling and I could talk for a good hour, but when I ask my mom the same thing, the response I get is ‘it was okay’ or ‘I don’t want to talk about it’. This really saddens me that she cannot express herself especially when I can see what she wants to say in her eyes.

CHARLOTTE-KADEE STRICKLAND
After the break-up between Charlotte and Cooper on Private Practice season 3, episode 11 we get to see the dramatic changes in Charlotte as a person. She realizes that all she wants in life is to be with Cooper and would do anything to get him back. Charlotte starts to soften towards the end of season 3 as signs that she wants to change and not be seen as ‘heartless’. She is also trying to show Cooper that she really wants to be with him and that she is sorry for hurting him. Once Cooper finally realizes that breaking up with her was the worst mistake in his life he tries to win her back by proposing and to everyone’s surprise, Charlotte says yes.

MOM-THE REAL CHARLOTTE
Since watching the new episodes of Private Practice my mom has started to change. She has now realized that it’s not good to always be the tough one and if there is something to be said, to just say it because later on it can build up and be worse later on. My mom is finally starting to talk about her feelings and has even confronted her own mom Barbara about her troubled childhood. She even had the courage to tell her mom about what she thought of her about the time I was left alone with my abuser which was one of my grandmother’s husband (her 5th marriage).

So with comparing the differences between my mom and Charlotte king, I am now wondering if KaDee Strickland has a little ‘Charlotte’ in her? If she doesn’t then she is very convincing and I applaud her.

Desperate for Desperate Housewives: My Review

The television programme, ‘Desperate Housewives’ is based on a group of friends (Susan, Bree, Lynette, and Gabby) who have just found out their neighbour/friend Mary-Alice (the narrator voice-over) had killed herself in a small suburban town called Fairview. Susan, Bree, Lynette, and Gabby were all her friends and so they are determined to find out the reason behind her suicide. This is how the show begins and soon after this very traumatic event on Wisteria Lane, it soon leads to other more severe secrets and lies. As one secret unfolds itself, many more come out and all hell breaks loose. It is up to the girls to find out what exactly happened to their friend, but instead they find out what their neighborhood is truly like.

The television programme, ‘Desperate Housewives’ is important to me because it is a show that can relate to almost anyone, but more importantly to women. . It is important that other people should see ‘Desperate Housewives’ because everyone can relate to it in some way, even men. Everyone assumes that ‘Desperate Housewives’ is only a women-orientated programme. This may be true, but the main characters of the show (Susan, Bree, Lynette and gabby) need their men-conflicts and relationships to keep the show going.
It is also important that other people should see ‘Desperate Housewives’ because the defiant, control/will power of understanding over the men of ‘Wisteria Lane’ is strong. But with this it somehow reflects the women to weaken to the opposite sex (the men).
‘Desperate Housewives’ I think was created to prove a point, that women may be labeled as ‘housewives’ in today’s society and in the past, to the men they also see or like to see women as ‘desperate’ ‘housewives’. I have come to this conclusion through the reason that this fantastically made show was made from a man named Marc Cherry. He said from an interview on the ‘Desperate Housewives’ season one DVD collection that his ideas for the show came from his own childhood. He also said that he used to watch his mother and would analyse her every step.

The television programme, ‘Desperate Housewives’ content is important to the show as a whole, because without the reasons and explanations of what is going on through each episode, it would be very hard to understand the full concept of its existence. For example, each idea carried through the storylines has to be clearly outlined in detail before coming together to create an episode. It is important to society that this is done correctly because if it were not, then there would be no point of screening it. It is also important that if the message of the episode is not portrayed or is confusing then the audience/viewers would loose focus and will not know what is happening, this making it unrealistic.
When watching this television programme it makes you feel like you’re discovering what the characters are doing and how they feel. This is why the television programmes ‘Desperate Housewives’ shows great significance and relevance to society of today.

Having this strange, comforting understanding of the mysteries with ‘Wisteria Lane’ of the show ‘Desperate Housewives’, it gives us the sense of relevance. For example: whenever there is a mystery to be solved down Wisteria Lane in ‘Desperate Housewives’ they need to be realistic because if they are too unrealistic the audience will detach from watching because it is the ‘realism’ that the show brings, makes viewers want to watch more. This is why the television programme, ‘Desperate housewives’ is special in it’s own right because it is by having the ‘un-known’ and ‘realism’ that makes it special.

The main themes behind the television programme, ‘Desperate Housewives’ is based on the lives of Susan, Bree, Lynette, and Gabby of Wisteria Lane, Fairview. This is where they have to conquer; secrets, lies, lust, death, and try to solve mysteries to make their lives worth living for. The television programme, ‘Desperate Housewives’ also; explores the role of women, generates ideas or women’s insecurities, shows love, family, defeat towards each other, cause people to use lies, tactics, revenge to opposite se. However, no matter how much hatred goes on between characters, they are always there for each other in some way.

With the television programme, ‘Desperate Housewives’ they seem to have relationships with the guys only on their street. For one of the girls is married so she has only been with one guy, but for the rest of them, they have had several relationships with guys that seem to only live done Wisteria Lane. For example: Bree: has been married twice, Lynette: once, Gabby: once, had an affair with her gardener, and is now engaged, and for Susan: has had an on-off relationship with the street’s plumber and is now in a love-triangle. The storyline with Susan is the one that keeps the audience on their toes, because without her uncertainty and bad choices, the show would not be the same.

The drama carried through the cliffhangers at the end of each episode keeps viewers and the audience at the end of their seat. So in America, when they had their two-week break in the middle of season three, it was torture for the audience to wait until it was next on. Having a cliff-hanger at the end of each episode is important to the show as a whole because if at each episode it ended with a satisfying ending then not many people would want to keep watching because it feels like the show has ended for good. So by having a cliffhanger with a crucifying twist at the end where you have to wait until the next week to see what happens next, it keeps people from switching off.


The television programme, “Desperate Housewives’ is important to watch because it bring character and a different side of humour to society has seen before. This is where we get to see a street work against and for each other through: secrets, lies, lust, love-triangles, blackmail, death and mysteries beyond our means. With the old tension between neighbours and love-triangles between two lovers, ‘Desperate Housewives is a must-see television programme. It is only one of the few television programmes in today’s society that is enjoyable to watch. Also, due to conflicts between rivals on ‘wisteria lane’ like with Susan and Edie, it makes the television programme of ‘Desperate Housewives’ mind-boggling. ‘Desperate Housewives’ brings its own character to the light and to the people who have not watched it, you are missing out on one of the hottest television programmes ever.

Ride of a Life Time, Poem Six: Written by Me

A day of innocence
It was suppose to be
Flashbacks and memories
Is all I can now see

As we sat back in the car
Reving the engine to go
We gripped onto the seats
Not going very slow

We whined around corners
As I was thrown around
The driver asked what was wrong
But I just sat there and frowned

Passing the local shops
With great motions of fear
But still racing along
Not knowing what was near

The driver was daring
As he faked a right turn
We headed for the barrier
As I could feel the tyre rubber burn

Everything was in slow motion
As we head straight for the street light
My body went into shock
Because it was such a big fright

The next thing I can remember
Was my leg being in such pain
Who could be such a careless driver?
As I needed someone to blame

My body just froze
Like it was all a big dream
The pain that I was in
Made me just want to scream

The police were all around
As we all were freaking out
They were inspecting the area
And were wondering what was it about?

But the driver was in a state
And forced everyone to lie
My friends were feeling sick
While I had a big cry

The driver never told us though
That illegally he is not suppose to drive
It is just as well we’re still here
And that we are very much alive

Material and Behavioral Addictions of my Life

Ever since I can remember I have always been a social butterfly who loves to be around people and talk all the time. This is because I suffer with a family disease trait called ‘Only Child Syndrome’. I was raised with a mom (a nurse manager for the Dialysis unit) for the first 2 years of my life and then my dad (Sales Rep) came back to us for the last 20 years.

Being an only child has been difficult on my parents as they were unable to have any more children due to my mom having endometriosis. Many people assume that because I was an only child I was given everything, but to be honest I grew up having to learn to earn for the things I wanted and this meant working. The only time I was spoilt as a child was on birthdays and at Christmas time. When I was a little older and just after the abuse from my step-granddad happened, I developed some unfortunate traits. I disconnected from myself and became very clingy to my parents and to others, as I never wanted to be left alone. This made me into becoming an attention seeker as I lead into my teen years. If I had no one to talk too or felt like I was being ignored I would create negative attention so I would be noticed. For example: I would drink a bottle of wine, say or do something stupid in order for someone to notice me. I know this sounds pathetic but at the time it made me feel like I was wanted even if it meant people laughing at me, not with me. I also have been told I am a drama queen and I like to create drama out of something meaningless, which then makes me talk about myself more than I should.

When my boyfriend Wayne died, I became a TV, Film, Hollywood addict as it was a way of focusing on something that could make me laugh and forget about the pain I was and still going through. That is why I have 236 DVDs and the collection keeps getting larger every week. As a result of this TV addiction I have, I now have sleeping problems where I continuously wake up every hour. I am lucky if I get 4 hours sleep at night, and sleeping aids and pills do not help me. This is where I have to thank Private Practice as if it wasn’t for the show I would be completely lost. Since 2005 I picked up a bad habit of watching a movie or TV show before going to sleep. It’s become such a routine in my life that now if I tried to go to sleep with nothing on I am lying in bed all night with my eyes wide open thinking about thoughts I would rather not think about.

Trying to deal with my tragic events I have been though in life so far, has been very difficult and talking to councilor’s I find very uncomfortable. When it gets too hard, I cut and run away so I haven’t actually dealt with them yet, but I will eventually. At high school I was made to see them as I was diagnosed with a learning problem named ‘dysgraphia’. If you haven’t heard of this, it’s a communication learning problem where I know what I’m thinking in my head but when it comes out via written or voice, it can usually makes no sense. It also interferes with my comprehension skills and grammar too. This is why I can never read books because when I try to read a book and I cannot see a visual story in my head, it is just words on a page. However if I watch a film based on a book, then when I read the book version I have no problem because I can see the story in my head.

I have learnt that I am a very complicated person and that I am sure I’m not the only person who is having a rough time in their life right now. My goal is to not dwell on the past but to push forward and even though bad things happen, I believe you are only given things that you can handle. In the future I would like to help others come forward and know that it’s okay to talk about the bad things in life especially if it’s sexual abuse, alcoholism, death, learning disorders, and any other serious addictions. Talking with other people can help and whatever you do, don’t end up like me and become invested on people who you will never meet, no matter how much you want too, but just know that they are out there and they are your role model.

Why her?, Poem Five: Written by Me

I never should have done it
It just was too cruel to see
If only I had stopped myself
Now the guilt is all over me

She was a kind new girl at school
Just sitting on a cold bench alone
We were just so mean to her
But not once did she moan

We grabbed her long platted hair
And pulled them real tight
I watched them push her to the ground
But not once did she fight

They pinned her against the wall
And they also spat at her angelic face
Now when I look back I think
We were such a massive disgrace

I look back to this day and think
She was a girl that was very brave
After my friends took every cent from her
And almost bet her to her grave

My friend’s would keep nagging at me
Saying, ‘What are you waiting for?’
They tried to pressure me into doing it
And then asked me to do it once more

I just could not do it though
No matter how hard I truly tried
Instead I watched this new girl suffer
As she cried, cried and cried

I got the courage to say sorry one day
I finally put my guilt to an end
I knew it wasn’t going to be easy
But today she is now my dearest friend

I Like It, Poem Four: Written by Me

I like it how it’s rich
I like it how it’s sweet
I like the way it lasts
I like it as a treat

I like it how it’s smooth
I like how it looks
I like its creamy texture
I like it on my books

I like to see it melt
I like it when it runs
I like the way it tastes
I like it on my buns

I like it on my bed
I like it on my lips
I like it how it’s square
I like it with my chips

I like to eat it when I shop
I like it in my pocket
I like it how it’s yummy
I like it because it’s chocolate

Being Bullied, Poem Three: Written by Me

I dread going to school
I dread just going to Lunch,
As she waits around the corner
Just waiting to give me a punch

I sit all alone at school
On a cold dusty bench
This is when I start to tremble
Inside it makes my heart wrench

I try to avoid her you know
But she seems to always find me
I try to call for help
As she shoves me against a tree

She makes me feel guilty
Like I’ve done something wrong
I guess I can’t stop her
As she takes what’s left of me along

She picks on me in different ways
From hitting to calling me names
But to her this is all
Having fun and playing games

Sometimes I just brave it out
As she gives me a bash
I don’t know why she does this?
To make me feel like trash

When ever I am in my class
She gets into my cloudy head
I just wish she would go away
She’s someone I have always feared

She makes my life one big misery
And deep down it makes me feel bad
She makes me feel like I’m to blame
And all the time it makes me sad

I don’t wish this upon anyone
I just hope my bully won’t stay
I really do wish my bully
Would just forever go away

It’s easier to be said though
Than it is to be done
I just don’t know what to do anymore
Which tells me she has won

I can’t do anything to stop her
But I do my very best to try
Even if I actually did
She would no doubt just deny

The One With the Ending: Friends 1994-2004: Review

‘FRIENDS’
September 1994- May 2004

On May 13th 2004, it was a sad and emotional day for the fans of the show. This day will be forever remembered and fans will never forget that fine group of friends, who were worldly famous for talking about their lives while drinking coffee at Central Perk. This show will be marked down as one of the most watched and wealthiest television shows’ of all time.

So now there will be no more ‘Mister Sarcastic’ Chandler Bing, no more ‘The Guy Who Sleeps With Women and Never Calls the Again’ Joey Tribbiani, no more ‘lectures that put you to sleep’ Ross Geller, no more ‘exchanges gifts for store credit’ Rachel Green’, no more ‘I like to clean everything seventeen times a day’ Monica Geller, and last but not least the ‘ditzy blonde vegetarian’ Phoebe Buffay. But the one character we will never forget is the guy who makes innocent coffee for his coffee fanatic customers including the group of friends I have mentioned above. If you watch or have watched ‘Friends’ before you may also know him as an ‘I Love Rachel Green’ fan. He may dye his hair to that shiniest white hair, but in the end we finally see his true colours. Yes that’s right, in the last episode ‘Friends’ that was written, Gunther (the man he is) confesses his undying love to Rachel in front of the man (Ross) he holds hatred over. However it is more jealousy than hatred because Ross is the man that Rachel has loved throughout the past 10 years it was aired for.

The reason why I think ‘Friends’ is a well-related television show around the world is because we can relate to the show in our everyday lives, which brings us a sense of reality. Meaning you can imagine yourself actually on the show and ‘in their shoes.’ But the show would not be the same (for example, humorous) without their audience/fans and their influenced attention to the show. ‘Friends’ was thrived and in need of a large audience, just like every other television programme or film. So the reaction to a character is inflicted to how the audience will respond to it. For example, a sad moment in the episode of ‘Friends’ was when Monica and Chandler got to hold their adopted twin babies. The audience reacted to this as they could feel the character’s emotions of joy and sadness.

What if there was no audience? Then what would be the point in having the show? What draws the attention to the production’s targeted audience is the continuous humour throughout its ten years of showing. Because without the humour, there would be no show! ‘So have no fear, because Perry is here’, is what the writers would have been saying as it was Matthew Perry (who played Chandler Bing on ‘Friends’) who created most of the humorous jokes and his cheesy pickup lines for his and other characters of the show. We may just think of this show as just a plain old ‘funny comedy’, but it was the way that they used the humour, that gave out underlining specific messages. Some messages were more serious than others, and they used that time to have a sad moment, but because the show I was supposed to be a sitcom, they needed to add humour to it. The most serious messages have tried to reach out to their ‘fellow audience’ are Theft, Suicide, Death, and Adoption. On the last episode of ‘Friends’ we see that Monica and Chandler receive their two twin children through adoption, as they could not conceive their own. The message adoption was used through out this episode to promote to their audience that why abort when you can give hope to people, who can not have children and also giving the ‘child’ a chance to live.

After the last episode in season 10, ‘Friends’ has finally come to its end. So for the emotional fans of ten years, it will be a sad year. But with the help of TVNZ we can now watch reruns on TV 2 at 6:30pm weeknights. This will be a great way to say good-bye, one last time, before putting it to sleep for good. As a source once said, “ This will be one show that will be truly missed.”

You're My Ever Rose, Poem Two: Written by Me

The clouds have now set
Possessed with energy that it gave
As I drop a single flower
On my sweetheart’s young grave

Looking back down on you
I can see your fragile pretty face
Reminiscing all good memories, we sing
Your favourite song ‘Amazing Grace’

I think of the impact you had made
Like thorns tangling around my heart
The sincerity that we had once captured
But now time is out of start

I see a glimpse of your golden locks
As I wipe away a single tear
The love I truly felt for you
Will never in my life disappear

I can remember every feature of you
I can even remember the way you smelt
The intimate tender kisses we shared
The innocence we both felt

No one else will ever matter
And I promise to keep this true
I just have to look at little Sarah
Cause she is the splitting image of you

You know I will always love you
And will try to visit you everyday
Some days are filled with darkness
Like a place that feels far away

You are now free I say
So I will not mourn or cry
It is not a time to hate
Nor a time to say goodbye

So to my love, I vow to you
My love each day for you truly grows
I promise this is not the end
For you’re my ever rose

Drink Driving Kills: Poem One, Written by Me

My friends and I were hammered
So heavy I can vaguely remember
It was a dreadful thing that happened
That painful night in December

After the party we scrambled
And ran for my black Mazda car
We drove not wearing seatbelts
Not knowing what was coming afar

I can remember not seeing very much
But a very blinding flash of light
My eyes were all hazy at the time
As I swerved to the right

I didn’t know where we were
As I drove towards the traffic head on
Because of my stupid mistake
My friends are now gone

It was too hard to see anything
As the window was thick with mud
I can still hear all the screaming
And the sight of pouring blood

My body trembled with shock
Because I knew that we had crashed
I had to get cut out of the car
Because the car was too badly smashed

I was the one to tell their parents
No one else except for me
I didn’t just lose a friend
I lost not one, not two, but three

I still have to go to counselling
Since that very painful day’
I am still dealing with the guilt
The guilt that will always stay

So what ever you do
Do not drink then drive
Think of what happened to me
To keep your friends alive

How Private Private Saved Me

Why me? Why now? In the last 5 years of my life I have been through some tragic life changing events that no normal human being should ever have to go through, like; sexual assault, alcohol abuse, depression, sickness, car accident, friendís death and now my boyfriend tragic Death. I always wonder can life get anymore harder for me. No wonder I feel lonely and sad all the time, but thanks to the TV show Private Practice, it has given me the distraction I have needed. I watched one episode and was an instant fan because these characterís can relate to me and what Iím going through at this difficult time in my life.

I can relate to Violet (Amy Brenneman) as she too has been sexually abused and because I have never dealt with mine before I would absorb everything ëVioletí would say and the advice she would give out to her patients as a therapist. With my situation, the man who abused me was my grandmotherís 4th husband and I was 9 years old. I was told by him to keep it a secret and after 6months when I told my mom what happened to me it broke my family into pieces. After my mom found out and they stopped screaming at one another, they decided not to go to the police and not to tell my dad. My stupid grandmother stayed with my abuser for another 9 years until they divorced after my dad finally found out accidently. This made me have intimacy issues when I was older and I found it very hard to interact with men and boys. By the time I was 21 years old I finally decided to go to the police about it and once I did it made me very depressed, lonely and anxious. I couldnít believe it when the police told me they would only sentence him for 6months home detention! They said because it happened so long ago in 1993, that they sentenced him with what the New Zealand laws were back then. I was so scared to hear about this as I found out that what he did to me; he had done with his own two daughters too! This led me into becoming an alcoholic, as I would drink at least a bottle of wine a night so I wouldnít have to think about it before going to sleep. After a year of solid drinking and trying to drown my sorrows away, it got to a point where it hospitalized me and they told me if I kept drinking alcohol the way I was, I would be dead in a year. So that is when I was forced myself to give up and I chose to do it without rehab and I did without any hesitation. I am now 2years alcohol-free and I will never drink again, not even a sip or in food!

I thought my life was getting a little better, as I found the perfect man for me. He was my soul-mate and the first man I truly loved, the man I was going to marry and have a family with someday. This however turned out to be the complete opposite and a tragic loss. After a year of going out my sweetheart Wayne was instantly killed by a Truck Driver on his way to work. This crushed me and when I look back and try to remember the day I found out about his death, I canít! All I can remember is his sister ringing me on the phone in tears and thatís it. I went into shutdown mode, and wanted to see no one or be around anyone that knew me. This is where Private Practice saved me the most, as it gave me a distraction and something to focus on because I still have not yet come to terms with my grief yet. The hardest part was that I had to plan his funeral, because before he died we had a random chat about what we would want if we died, and two weeks late he did. I still feel a lot of pain over his death and I always felt guilty because I felt like it was because of me he was killed. I know that itís not my fault, but whenever I see his family I just cannot help it. The image of his coffin still haunts my dreams and I will never forget him either. This is why I think I am invested in Cooper Freedman (Paul Adelstein) and Charlotte kingís (KaDee Strickland) relationship, because I see myself wanting to be like Charlotte and she has Cooper who reminds me of what my boyfriend was like. It seems to be all I can focus on these days, like an addiction really. Everything at the moment in my life is focused on Private Practice, Charlotte and Cooperís relationship, even the cast. Iíve also become a twitter addict and all I can do is just talk about Private Practice but if it wasnít for that, ëwhat do I have left?í Absolutely nothing! My friends hardly talk to me, my parents donít either so who and what else is there? No one and if werenít for twitter and the internet I would feel so alone.

I relate to Charlotte (KaDee Strickland) because she is a strong woman and has to be the responsible one. She is the one that does things that other people do not want to do. Her being strong is a quality I needed when my boyfriend died. So I intensely follow everything she says and does on Private practice because I am learning on how to do that for myself. It reminds me of the episode when Big Daddy dies and Charlotte has to pull the plug but canít. Iím feeling like that right now and to watch Charlotte get through it made me feel strong too. Charlotte is my favorite as I need to be more like her in areas of being tough, and strong minded.

Iím thankful for twitter, as talking to people about Private Practice has made me start smiling again and that hasnít happened in a very long time. I have also made a lot of nice people and I am now friends with.
As for Private Practice well I am glad that we have it in our lives otherwise I do not know what I would do with myself. Thank you to Shonda Rhimes for hiring such a great cast of inspiring people to help me, help others get through difficult tragedies like I have too.