The moment of Private Practice had finally come and I have been preparing for it all week by reading every possible article and interview about The Rape Story. Was I prepared enough for it though? Well after the first 10minutes of watching it I realized I was no way near ready to be seeing it. I was fine up until the part where Cooper finally sees Charlotte for the first time and he can’t look at her. This brought me into tears and as the episode progressed it just got harder and harder for me stomach it. The worst part was when we see flashbacks of Charlotte being raped. This brought back the horrible memories of when I was attacked and raped last year. The screaming, the agony, the force, the out of control, and pure fear was what I kept thinking of when watching the last scene of Private Practice 4x07 episode on Thursday night. This is because what Charlotte suffer through, is exactly what I did too and to the same extent. I was powerless over mine, he was much stronger than me, and I had no power of the situation as well. The only difference between Charlotte’s attack and mine was that I was drunk at the time so does that make it my fault?
Every day I have that question playing over and over again in my head and that is why I never went to the police about it and pretended like nothing had happened to me. When I was attacked a year ago, the guy wanted to sleep with me and the drunken person I was, went along with it. Just before anything happened I said ‘No’ and I said ‘No’ repetitively but he never listened. Even when I was crying, he wouldn’t listen and take no for an answer, so does that mean it’s my fault it happened and is it counted as rape? My twitter friends told me it was after telling them what happened and now after replaying it in my head consistently I now know that they are right. After the rape I stood up and put my clothes back on and tried to run away but as I turned around to run away he grabbed me from behind and then I went black. I managed to get back home but I never got medical attention.
The first time I told anyone about my rape was 3days ago and I didn’t open up about the attack until 2weeks ago. KaDee Strickland I have to thank for that, as it was her tweets about the Private Practice Rape Story I woke up too. At first I was mortified to finding out that my favorite TV character was the one who has to go through what I did, but now I know it was meant to be. It’s a sign that it will help me deal with my own attack that I have never had to face before. I know I have been through sexual abuse before but I was only 7 and when I was raped I was 21 so there is a big difference on how a person copes with this type of thing.
The Charlotte King Rape Storyline on Private Practice will help me to what I am going through right now and as its 4am and I haven’t slept in 2day I think I will cut this blog short and make a part 2 very soon before I start to make no sense.
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